FrankTalk.org

MichaelM wrote:I have to apologize to everyone. It seems clear, thanks to Lost Sheep, that I remember my size incorrectly, and I am more upset about my wife. I think I actually am back to the size I could be (based on the last real clue being in 2007) and when I look at it, it looks the same as I last remember. When I measure it, it is about 3.75 inches. But my wife will not allow any sex except woman on top (which the doctor said is my worst position for 3.75 inches) and will not allow any other form of sex. We did not have sex before marriage. I know that is hard to believe, but I was cheated on, and so I believed a devout Catholic would be my best choice for number 2. Not true. She would not even talk about it, much less have sex. So I had to gamble. Neither of us thought the gamble would include prostate cancer, but here we are. She only allows one thing, and so far has not allowed me access. So now you understand why I am not running somewhere to fix this shorter problem: it doesn't matter, and I can't feel anything anyway. I am sorry to have wasted so much of you guys time, but I have learned that my problem is not a 3 inch dick. Nor even now a 3.75 inch dick. I'll let you guys fill in what my real problem is. You can phrase it in a lot of ways.

Hey... I don't mean to be unsupportive, but, you have deep problems in your relationship and marriage. As bad as those are, they are easily fixable with a divorce and finding a new path for you as hard as it may be, it will be easier than another surgery. And almost always better in the long run.

Also, stop lying to yourself about ''not having sex again'' and 'just coping with it''. You can and should get another opinion, start on the traction therapy which will allow you to regain length and then try again with a top surgeon a revision surgery. Please, don't let your self settle for this. You were butchered and deserve better!

Also, I seriously doubt a priest will give you proper sexual advice and counselling and I am Catholic myself. You need to talk to a sexual therapist. And you don't need your wife's permission for that...

PFracture wrote:Also, I seriously doubt a priest will give you proper sexual advice and counselling and I am Catholic myself. You need to talk to a sexual therapist. And you don't need your wife's permission for that...

I am reminded of a joke I will paraphrase here:

Man talking to Priest about taking marital/sexual advice from the (required to be celibate) Catholic clergy: "You don't play the game, you don't make the rules."

The fact is, that most priests these days are well-educated and well-versed in helping their parishoners through difficult times of all types. But, more to the point, MichaelM's wife is likely to follow Church teachings about "wifely duties" if her Priest reminds her.

Lost Sheep wrote:

PFracture wrote:Also, I seriously doubt a priest will give you proper sexual advice and counselling and I am Catholic myself. You need to talk to a sexual therapist. And you don't need your wife's permission for that...

I am reminded of a joke I will paraphrase here:

Man talking to Priest about taking marital/sexual advice from the (required to be celibate) Catholic clergy: "You don't play the game, you don't make the rules."

The fact is, that most priests these days are well-educated and well-versed in helping their parishoners through difficult times of all types. But, more to the point, MichaelM's wife is likely to follow Church teachings about "wifely duties" if her Priest reminds her.

do you realize how bad that is? i mean, the wife refuses to talk to Michael and have sex with him, along with everything else and you are expecting the priest to somehow help her improve? who is she married too? What kind of reactions are these?

why is this community failing in helping Michael? what am i missing?

PFracture wrote:
do you realize how bad that is? i mean, the wife refuses to talk to Michael and have sex with him, along with everything else and you are expecting the priest to somehow help her improve? who is she married too? What kind of reactions are these?

why is this community failing in helping Michael? what am i missing?

Where there is life, there is hope. That is what kind of reaction I have.

As bad as a non-communicative marriage is, a divorce is no picnic either. And, yes, I expect a (Priest, marriage counselor or a combination) certainly can help. It has happened innumerable times before.

Others may have constructive advice, too, and divorce may be one of them. But that is just another opinion.

MichaelM, despite differences of opinions among your supporters about what is your best course of action, you may consider any and all of our suggestions and choose whichever one(s) seem most likely to result in the greatest good. If terminating the relationship is your considered choice, I support you. If working through this rough patch is your choice, I support you.

For me, getting your wife to talk to you frankly and openly is key, and if it takes the assistance of the Church to open that door, so be it, and go full tilt for that. If you truly believe there is no hope to redeem your marriage, you have my sympathies and my support to go for that solution.

Lost Sheep

Well, I suppose I should heap some more free amateur advice on the pile here. I've only been married to the same woman for 59 years, so I think I may know a bit about this mess.

I've said my piece about your penis length after the implant, so I won't go through it again, other than to urge, even beg you to get another opinion(s). Three inches more or less is just not right, and I just know it can be fixed.

OK, something is not right between you and your wife if the length of your penis is driving her away. My wife and I haven't had intercourse for some time, but it's because of my (our) excess weight. I am losing the weight, slowly but surely, and she says again and again we're going to be playing rabbit again just as soon as we can get close enough to each other to do it. We hug, snuggle, kiss, sleep together, etc. Your wife ought to be supporting you in a quest to get the penis problem fixed.

As to the Catholic Priest, I do not see how a man who, if he has been following the rules, is a virgin, can have the slightest clue how to counsel either of you on this matter. I don't care how much education he's had, he just cannot understand what goes between a man and his wife as the penis makes its entry. Of course he can very lovingly parrot the Church position on this and that, but he simply cannot properly address sexual intercourse. It's like asking your cat to explain how birds fly.

Michael, you come across as a man reaching out for help with a very serious problem, and I wish some of us could help you fix it. There are several of us who do truly care, Donnie being probably the best.

Spot on Dave!

With this post I will end my participation in the debate of whether or not a non-player can be an effective referee. (Celibate man-Priest give couples conselling). The suggestion is made and MichaelM will make his own decision.

The main reason I brought it up, though still stands uncommented-upon. Perhaps I did not lay it out clearly enough. Mrs MichaelM is a "devout Catholic", therefore is likely to heed the advice of a Priest - which advice is likely to be the Biblical admonisment, "Wives, submit to your husbands."

I don't think such a legalistic approach is best, but milder might work better. So I thought to mention it.

Ultimately, it is your decision if you want to save your marriage as much as you wanted to save your dick. If you decide this union with another person is worth the work, then I support you. If you decide the union is a lost cause and it is time to cut your losses, then I support you.

Some say that marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. If your love for each other was true and genuine in the begining, that kernel may still be there and it may be worth renewing.

If your love was not genuine in the beginning and the practical reasons for it are truly gone, then annulling the marriage might be the right way to go. Divorce from a devout Catholic can be tricky because the Church is likely to be involved and usually oposes the dissolution..

Did your wife ever enjoy sex, I wonder?

Love does not exist is just an invention
A man and a woman without sex can not be, just my two cents

DaveET1 wrote:Donnie, I agree as to the mind set of man vs. woman, but doesn't seem reasonable that a female urological surgeon would have had it explained to her again and again over the training period? I had a male surgeon myself, but I don't think I would have refused a woman if she had the reputation of being an expert with implants.

If you notice all the good/great docs are male. As my wife puts it men are physical and women are emotional. I dont think I would be comfortable with a female surgeon. I have a female primary care.