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Just joined this forum and wanted to introduce myself. I have been reading your posts for some months now and would like to get involved with everyone having ED problems like me. I realize from your discussions that I am not alone (thank goodness). I had laser surgery about five years ago for BPH. However, I have been experiencing deteriorating sexual performance for some time. Viagra does not work as well as it used to. So I decided to try a VED (pump). I got the "Vacurect" from Bonro. Have tried it for the past three months with ZERO success. I do get an erection ok even though I have the dreaded "hinge" effect. The problem I have is that whenever I try to enter my wife I loose stiffness almost immediately.
I would like to ask if anyone else is having the same problem. Also, I get concerned about this "30 minute" window. Do you pump first before foreplay or do you pump after? If I pump first it seems like I have stopwatch effect which for me there are no more "quickies" like the good old days!. If I pump after foreplay it seems that I loose any small erection while I am pumping and keeps the wife twiddling her thumbs before I get junior up to spec. I know these are very personal questions and in my younger days(now 73) would never thought I would ask about but I see this forum gets down to the nitty gritty that I am thank full of.
I look forward to reading your posts and experiences.

Greetings and welcome to the site. My observation is that different things seem to work for different situations. Pills didn't do much for me no matter what combo we tried. Doc "promoted" me to injections almost 60 days and I'm getting boners like I haven't seen in decades. That's the short story of my experience. Do your own research; ask your uro about all possibilities; and nag nag nag until you achieve what you want. "This is not an acceptable outcome." has been my mantra and it has stood me well.

Good luck. Look forward to seeing you in the Chat room. Whether you chime in or just "listen", the CR is a hoot.

Later,

Greg

My ED started right after nerve sparing surgery in Feb 05. In the first 3-4 months after, she and I had made some slow partial progress back from the jaws of complete ED to a mild fullness, not even stuffable, during sexual play. That was almost a first for us. At that time she was 66 and I 60. Prior to surgery my erections were normal and ED had almost never occurred since the 70’s when I was an alcoholic and could not get it up with her then. I quit drinking over 35 years ago but some memories remain.

When it started in 2005 it hurt my feelings, I started to withdraw from her emotionally. At about 120 days post surgery I started "mop-up radiation" of the old prostate organ location. My cancer was both upgraded to aggressive and had gotten close to the organ margins. Those 42 treatments set me back to complete ED which hung around for over 1 1/2 years. Well if I say my feelings were hurt before surgery then I was crushed after, with complete ED and almost complete emotional withdrawal from my wife.

Then at around 2 years she ran out of patience and forced the discussions with me that allowed us to recapture that part of our lives. Our discussions saved our sex lives and maybe our marriage.

We found different ways to express our love for each other. We had to refocus the purpose of getting together away from intercourse and towards each other personally. We used baths, rub downs and all other senses such as sight, sound, smell and taste. Intercourse was no longer easy or successful. We tried all of the free pills and bought some more with only mild success. I bought a pump and I started using it for PT. She joined me in that after I learned how to use it alone. Every type of sexual, chemical or physical failure occurred during our search. Your experience will be similar.

When I look back on it now, I draw the following conclusions. Once full or partial ED enters your life a complete search for a new sexual NORMAL must be launched. If one tries to do it alone they may fail. Our mates can and should be included, the earlier the better. Options dismissed long ago need to be looked at again. Every couple will differ in what works. Some of this re-examination was started because of ED. We do not know how much of this is related to ED vs. AGE because we are to close. So instead of trying to assign blame don’t waste time. Go to the one you love and ask what you can do now to seek and find a NEW SEXUAL NORMAL. Be patient, listen and work on it together.

Here is where we are now. She is 71 and I 66. We bath or shower often. Rub downs and sexual play are frequent but we stop often and don’t resume for a day or so. We have found after a few days of that we have built sexual tension. Then ½ 20 mg Levitra and play leads to an erection without rings.

It is not the same kind of sex and we have to work harder for it but it is decent.

I wish you both well on your journey.

Happy New Years, Jim

Thanks for your inputs. I get the feeling that neither of you have had much success with the VED technique. I am due to see doc next month for BP problems so I will mention your suggestions. Thanks again, look forward to talking with you again. How does the the chatroom work? I havent tried it yet.
Cheers!
Ken
Indio,CA

TO: gettingolder

It is our opinion "VED technique" can be many things. If your only purpose is intercourse you’re missing part of the reason to continue to use a pump alone or together.
The penis needs to be filled with fresh blood often to keep penis tissue healthy. So a VED can also be considered "penis therapy" (PT).

We used to do this. Take a nice warm bath or shower and get each other real clean. Skin care with something I like the smell of. Go to bed with the pump and slowly work my penis up to decent size and put on one ring. Lay opposite each other with our loins together and she might use me to masturbate her. This is easy because of the hinge effect. My artificially inflated penis becomes her sex toy. She sometimes goes all the way but not always. Stop and remove the ring and let it go down.

We might continue to play with no pump or ring but after I take ½ 20 mg Generic Levitra. Stories or video might be helpful and not always chosen by me. She has taste in this area now also. She admits she never thought she would, but she does. I don’t care what she chooses as long as I am there.

Over a period of a couple of years a combination of continued VED use, frank conversation, manual and oral, regular kegel exercises, video and ED drugs gave us enough options to chose many different ways to bring sexual happiness to each other. It is no longer easy or always successful. We both have to work at it but it is decent. My penis now gets hard enough for pentration if I take a pill as I said. The VED is still used for PT and I do kegels while it is on my body. You know what I mean, like the old days of making it jump with excitment when you see her. Kegels done by both partners are good for our sex lives.

So as seniors we have found our new SEXUAL NORMAL. We hope you find yours.

Happy New Years, Jim

Hey Getting,

Happy New year to you also.

Although I do not use the Vacurect, I have seen quite a few quotes like yours over the years ( I have been using a pump for almost two years now). I have to think it has to do with the penile disk just not being able to do the job of holding the erection firm.

gettingolder wrote: So I decided to try a VED (pump). I got the "Vacurect" from Bonro. Have tried it for the past three months with ZERO success. I do get an erection ok even though I have the dreaded "hinge" effect. The problem I have is that whenever I try to enter my wife I loose stiffness almost immediately.

I have always used a plain old battery powered Encore Pump and souped it up by using the larger tube and the Osbon Rings instead of the silicone ones and for the last few months also using the Penile Foam Sleeve (very comfortable -- no matter how many rings you apply). Yeah the 30 minute window is a fact of life with pumps although I can't say I've ever even gone that long - heh. (Either we are done in 10-15 ,, or that''s it). Yes it is nice to just linger too for an hour - but for lingering for 30-60 mins I use MUSE instead.

Also with a pump erection (or even with MUSE) I never use missionary/on top position -- always use Spoons position from behind -- which gets around the hingey effect fairly well.

I suppose you might be able to use the osbon rings (use two) and a penile sleeve (acts a bit like that vacurect disk -- but i assume much more comfy) even on your Vacurect pump and save a little money on 'upgrades'' .

Be sure to write back when you get Successs!

J

Thanks again!
I am afraid that I'm out of touch with your keywords such as "kegel excersises";"Osbon rings";"Penile foam sleeve";"Muse".Could you please give me some links on these?
One other question: I notice that a few people on this forum mention the use of generic Levitra. I have never used this product and wonder if it will work for me rather than Viagra that I try with diminishing results. I shall be seeing my doc later this month and my ask about it. What are your opinions compared with Levitra?
Cheers!
Ken,
Indio, CA

Ken,

Your questions sound familiar and are indeed valid. What I've learned to do is write down things I'm not sure about and then do an internet search. The results are quick and usually easy to understand. Regarding the various erection pills, daily Cialis worked best for me, but still unsatisfactory. Levitra was the least effective of the three. But that's just one person. Others have totally different results.

Good luck. Drop in the Chat Room when you have a chance. That's also a good place to ask questions and get direct, immediate answers.

Happy New Year to you as well!

Greg

Gettingolder, You're right that the "new normal" has to be accomodated, or one is frustrated with "old expectations." But it's good that there are options out there for redefining the new normal, rather than defaulting to just giving up. So good for you to not giving up, and exploring new ways of connecting with your wife.