One of our FrankTalk members sent me an email a while back. He is one of the older guys – and with age comes wisdom. He told me of his sexual journey with his wife after radiation atrophied his penis into a retracted state. Most of us would have given up and lived life as a eunuch. Not Jim. Instead, he relearned his body in a whole new way. He and his wife have an active sex life that is the envy of most 50 year olds. In fact, Jim has sex almost every day of his life. Is it the same “stroke and poke” he used to experience? Not at all. What’s incredible is, in most ways, his new sex life is far better, more intimate, more exciting than anything he had experienced in decades. Sounds incredible, right? This is what he wrote to me:
ED is not the end of life but instead it can be a new beginning. We need to take time to rediscover ourselves. Our culture has shaped us to conform to the mold of society. We are really shaped by our DNA and our hormones or whatever else is in our internal being. Finding one’s true self is like going on a treasure hunt. Looking for clues is half the fun. Think about what you find and tell yourself or someone else about it. Then go on to the next clue. You never know what you might find under all those trappings you have been wearing!
Pretty good challenge. Most men have been raised to view their sexuality with a strict set of guidelines based on what someone else has told them of what guys do. If a guy veers from this narrow path, he is just plain weird or, worse, his whole masculinity is called into question. The fact is, successful, passionate lovers express their sexuality in ways that span a spectrum that boggles the mind. What is thrilling for one couple might be scary or boring for another. But we have an obligation to our relationships to keep the passion and fire alive – even if the way we used to express our physical love is gone. Jim has explored many different ways to be passionate with his wife. An erect penis has nothing to do with any of them.
For a guy who served in World War II, ran major corporations, is a leader in his community, Jim is anything but weird. He is a brave guy who has discovered a whole new world of making love to his wife. Take his advice. Get rid of the Victorian strictures of how we express ourselves and see what lies inside you – not in the leftover confines of adolescence.
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