I had an interesting exchange with my friend, Jim, the other day. He is a bit older than I am and a lot wiser. We were talking about ED (surprise) and he said something that got me thinking. “There is a lot more to sex than the old ‘Stroke and Poke’”. After I laughed, I got to thinking about it. At first my feeling was “Wait! I liked Stroke and Poke. It was fun, it worked well for decades. I’m not tired of it yet!” I felt sorry for myself for a few minutes, then decided to keep thinking about what Jim was after.
We’ve all heard women say that sex is more about intimacy than intercourse with an orgasm. We’ve all nodded our heads and thought “What planet is she from?” But the cold hard truth is that for many of us, even when ED is conquered, sex will be different for the rest of our lives. It will always be a bit more work than it was. It may take some planning. There may be an element of anxiety wondering if it will work. If it doesn’t improve, there is a sense of grief and loss that has to be dealt with if we plan to move on with our life. But different does not have to mean bad. This new sex can be good – even great. But it does take an adjustment of our thinking and a willingness to take a risk.
Now, I’m not saying for a minute that we should just be happy with cuddling and holding. Even a guy with the limpest dick in the world wants more than that. And there is no reason to not have a full, intense, very erotic sex life. The male body is capable of enjoying many more erotic stimulants than those which reside in an erect penis. There is a guy in my Prostate Cancer support group who has no trouble at all in telling what he and his wife are now trying. I admire his candidness. But he is doing things I never thought of – or maybe wouldn’t let myself think of! He is having a blast. Orgasms (even without an erection) are mind-blowing, he says. Does he miss the old Stroke and Poke? Yep. But his sexual world has so expanded that he would keep everything he is doing now even if it all came back. He is quick to say that ED has forced him to explore so much more and he is now a much better lover because it is about having fun, really pleasuring each other and enjoying each others’ satisfaction. He said he is a bit embarrassed about the old days when he would climb on, have sex, then roll over and fall asleep.
Like everything in life, it is not the event that is crucial. It is our response. These guys are a challenge to our typical male mindset of what it is all about! Hmmm. I gotta do some more thinking.
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